Log in

entries friends calendar profile myspace Previous Previous
So if this is the end...I'm demanding a sequel
blame the world for lack of clarity
It scares me a little that even when Im more on top of things than I have been in awhile... I still dont feel like Im in control. Everything is still slipping away.

Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: scared overwhemled

1 comment or Leave a comment
I wish the way I felt didnt vary so much from day to day.
When I posted the other day I was feeling really motivated and confident.
Today is a 'bad day' in the sense that I cant seem to reach back to that feeling. Not every day has been a bad day emotionally but they seem to be outweighing the good ones. I remember these feelings all too well and I want them to go away.

"Grounding myself" this weekend was semi successful... but I didnt get as much done early on as I should have. I shut myself in my room in an attempt to not get distracted (which makes me sad because I would love to be able to be in the living room with my roommates but I let my mind wander so easily when Im trying to work that I end up screwing myself over still ;-; ) but what ended up happening is i would start drawing something get get really frustrated and start again...this would happen several times before I would decide I needed to take a quick break.
I feel kindof rude and reclusive shutting myself away...but I dont know what else to do to try and keep focus. Which sucks cause it gets lonely. When I go out and do stuff, it takes my mind off of everything which is really nice...but also temporary. And not productive.

This weekend Im going to try and set up an appointment with a counselor. I definitely need some help. I havent felt like myself for awhile and I dont like it. It's affecting too much of my life and making things not good. This isnt how I want to be. This isnt who I am.

To end on a positive note, my environments class went well this morning- particularly the critique of my 2 page comic. They said it was very easily readable and they really liked the mood I had put with it. I had a big smile on my face after that.
So, Im going to try and remember that and get to work.

Tags: , , , , , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: exanimate exanimate
Current Music: Back in your head--Tegan and Sara

Leave a comment
I never get the girl

Tags: , , , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: pessimistic pessimistic

2 comments or Leave a comment
This is getting old. Im tired of letting myself slack off just because I dont feel like I can do it. Ive just been secluding myself because I feel like crap and dont think Id be fun to be around but that just makes me sadder.
Im not gonna keep going like this. This weekend Im going to be reading my "art and fear" book, as well as practicing drawing. Ive been making sure I take my vitamins, Im eating pretty well, I started working out yesterday in the hopes that that will make me happier, and if that doesnt work out the way Im hoping, Ill keep going to the gym but Im also gonna start seeing someone at the counsling services that SCAD offers, cause this is dumb. I hate feeling like this. I shouldnt feel like this.
Its hard to talk about with people because I feel like Im whining when I know I have no right. Im at a great place surrounded by really great people. I want to know whats wrong with me.

Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: depressed depressed

3 comments or Leave a comment
What's in your refrigerator right now?

......your mom.


Current Mood: lazy lazy

2 comments or Leave a comment
I would really like to be out of this emotional rut.
I havent quite been feeling like myself for a little while now.
Ive been so lazy and apathetic and mopey and aaauuuuuugh. Im not entirely sure what my problem is. It could be that Ive been on my period...but I honestly dont know what it is. I dont like to think that Im a naturally lazy person but its definitely been a struggle.
I get sad about nothing in particular, and then when Im trying to think of why I think about things that make me sad. I start telling my things that arent logically arent true. I get extra insecure. Its a bit of a vicious cycle.
Im just not sure what to do. I want to make sure Im taking my vitamins regularly and I should start exercising again... but I dont know how much itll help.
And Im so insecure about my art...Im like, afraid of it. I need to make a point to read Art and Fear. Ive heard really good things about it. And I need to practice.
This shouldnt even be difficult. What is my problem?

Tags: , , , , , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: gloomy gloomy

7 comments or Leave a comment
What a year this has been. Absolutely incredible. I have gone through so much and changed so much as a person in one year...it's kinda hard to believe. 21 was quite a year.
22 feels a lot older for some reason. Im not overly excited about it.
Although my friend Carl put an interesting spin on it:
obliosguitar: why were you psyched about 22?
socratesmmxii: because it's a nice number, it's a little beyond 21 but not too old, and 23 is a magic number
socratesmmxii: plus it's cool because 21 is old enough to drink, but 22 is old enough to drink with a bit more experience :-P

Fair enough. XD

Here was me at the beginning of my 21st year:

and here is me now:

Ill miss being 21, and getting older scares me. Here's hoping for a great year.

And thus ends my last entry as a 21 year old... <3
Thanks for making it such a great year everyone. I love you.

Tags: , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: pensive pensive
Current Music: Blue Lights-- Pretty Girls Make Graves

2 comments or Leave a comment
Good things:
+Proposition 8 was overturned today :D :D :D
Hopefully this will start a trend!!!

+I am still clean as a whistle

+working three jobs is making a bunch of money I can put towards school

+School starts up again in just over a month

+Gonna be seeing my friends in Savannah when I go back!

+Been spending time with good people

+I got a haircut today

Not so good things:
-Mum is really mad at me. This is day two and shes still mad.

-Shes probably not gonna let me have the car for awhile due to that

-I feel like all I do is work and havent had much time to work on art

-Im gonna be sad to leave home again. Transitions are always hard.

-Nervous about seeing a couple people again. Not dreading it, just nervous.

-Not everything is straight forward with some people and Id like for things to just be easy/not complicated

Tags: , , , , , , ,
Current Location: bow, NH
Current Mood: good mostly good
Current Music: language or the kiss--Indigo Girls

Leave a comment

-Sketchbook (been working away on it, will be done today)
-Finish up tight rough (barely anything left to do on it)
-Research/write paper for 20th century
-Research/write paper for Survey of Seqa.
-Drawing for Seqa printing
-Drawing for Seqa pencil final draft
-Post article on discussion board

Finals arent as bad around this time as they have been...yeah, I have two papers to write but it really could be worse/more work. Feeling so lazy really hasnt been helping me, though.

I am excited about going to my cousins wedding BUT Im not entirely happy that Im going straight from Savannah to New Jersey and not being able to be at home first >:1 rrrrg.
I cant wait to be home, especially with everything going on I feel the need to be close to home. My friend's little brother died, my grandmother doesnt remember who my grandfather is sometimes....I just really need to be close to everyone right now. I really miss my parents and my friends and my dog and my cat and my room... *SIGH* Im even kinda looking forward to working again 0_o FYE is a fantastic place to work and Kohl's really isnt so bad....and I dont have to go back to Wendell's! XD
I REALLY REALLY hope I can get myself to crank out some artwork this summer. Working always takes it out of me and at the end of the day I usually just wanna kick back with friends...but maybe Ill be able to get some work done this summer.

At the same time, I really do love school and my friends here and I will miss them a lot this summer. And of course....Im gonna miss my girlfriend ;_; cut for mushCollapse )

Alright...back to work. ONWAAAAAAAAAARD!!!!!!!!!

Tags: , , , , , , , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: anxious anxious
Current Music: breathing--yellow card

Leave a comment
Things I have to do:

-email Sarah about BP
-Survey of Seqa power point
-office hours with Lyle tomorrow @ 5:15
-9 7 redos for drawing for Seqa
-sketch book assignments, drawing for seqa
-figure out flight home
-figure out what classes Im taking in the fall
-sign up for classes on the 28th
-figure out storage for the summer ;_;

and probably more. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.
I wish I could just spend the weekend with my girlfriend at the beach...
Self control. Better time management. I need that.

Tags: , , , ,
Current Location: SCAD
Current Mood: tired tired

1 comment or Leave a comment